I was drawn by the title alone. Displaying some of the worst acting "talent" in recent memory, Sharktopus is the heart-breaking story of a shark with...ass tentacles who lashes out at vicious beachgoers, seeking revenge for the death of his mother...ok, maybe not. With tentacles which protrude from its back tail area(shark ass), strange useless spikes by its gills, and a weird sheen, Sharktopus is not only created from the WORST CGI effects I have seen since Battlefield Earth, but is also(not to hurt its poor feelings) the hands-down poorest creature design I have witnessed in years. Oddly, the combination of the aforementioned factors makes Sharktopus an entertaining romp through inanity, as swimmers, bungee jumpers, and journalists...and Eric(I was in Batman, damn it!) Roberts all serve as creative fish food. I definitely recommend downing at least 7-200 drinks before sitting down for this mostly-when-drunk laugh riot! Did I mention Roger Corman created this crap heap?!?
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
Insidious
So, most of you who read this blog sporadically know that I tend to focus on older films, or current politics. I decided over the weekend to delve into the world of the now, and see a film which is still in theaters! I had high expectations for Insidious (by Saw creator James Wan), as I thoroughly enjoyed their previous non-Saw film, Dead Silence. I will be the first to admit that James Wan and his crew are faaaar from perfect filmmakers, and I must admit that I think the Saw series has set us all back decades. There is a scene in Dead Silence, about a vengeful ventriloquist's ghost and her dummies, where a protagonist who's wife has been murdered by said dummy is driving down a road. Is the dummy in the car? Yes. Is it in a box or in the trunk? No, it's sitting in the back seat. So, the dummy just killed your wife. And you want to road trip with him?!? Unfortunately, though the remainder of the film is suspenseful and at times terrifying, critics harped on the dummy backseat driver idea, and based all their reviews on it. Assholes.
Back to Insidious. I went against better judgment and read reviews of this film, all citing the parallels to Poltergeist. I must tell you that this comparison is entirely flimsy. If Insidious steals from Poltergeist, then the argument can be presented that all romantic comedies steal from each other because they include scenes of kissing...or doctor dramas because they include operations. It's that weak of a link, but critics will find any reason to bludgeon a perfectly good horror film. What I enjoyed most about the film was its pacing/storytelling. This is a strong ghost story which has a fantastic pace, where all is divulged in due time, effectively. I was thoroughly engrossed in the plot, and sympathetic toward its protagonists. A story synopsis: a family moves into a new house. After a seemingly harmless accident, their son suddenly falls into a coma. Then weird/scary as hell shit obviously begin occurring. My one honest criticism of the film is its music and credits, which actually DO steal from Drag Me To Hell, Sam Raimi's 2009 gem. The music was, while attempting to make the viewer tense, thoroughly annoying and goofy. My wife almost walked out. It's that irritating.
Unfortunately, I was too late to see Insidious, and it will be removed from theaters by this weekend, so I would suggest rushing to see it before Friday. It is worth the theatrical viewing. Oh, and rent Dead Silence, and watch it in a dark room.
Back to Insidious. I went against better judgment and read reviews of this film, all citing the parallels to Poltergeist. I must tell you that this comparison is entirely flimsy. If Insidious steals from Poltergeist, then the argument can be presented that all romantic comedies steal from each other because they include scenes of kissing...or doctor dramas because they include operations. It's that weak of a link, but critics will find any reason to bludgeon a perfectly good horror film. What I enjoyed most about the film was its pacing/storytelling. This is a strong ghost story which has a fantastic pace, where all is divulged in due time, effectively. I was thoroughly engrossed in the plot, and sympathetic toward its protagonists. A story synopsis: a family moves into a new house. After a seemingly harmless accident, their son suddenly falls into a coma. Then weird/scary as hell shit obviously begin occurring. My one honest criticism of the film is its music and credits, which actually DO steal from Drag Me To Hell, Sam Raimi's 2009 gem. The music was, while attempting to make the viewer tense, thoroughly annoying and goofy. My wife almost walked out. It's that irritating.
Unfortunately, I was too late to see Insidious, and it will be removed from theaters by this weekend, so I would suggest rushing to see it before Friday. It is worth the theatrical viewing. Oh, and rent Dead Silence, and watch it in a dark room.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Intriguing News On Williamsburg's Explosion/Implosion
Over the last few weeks, I had heard both of the end to "pool parties" on the waterfront, as well as a moratorium on liquor licenses. The messengers of this news were royally pissed, as the end of concerts meant less to do on Sundays, and less liquor licenses meant less trendy bars/restaurants. Here's the newest news from the Gothamist:
http://gothamist.com/2011/04/13/concerts_now_banned_on_williamsburg.php
I was not surprised to hear this news at all, though I have been reading the Facebook outrage throughout the day. I think the most important tidbit of information that I can pass along to those furious minions is this: CB1 is comprised primarily of local bar/restaurant and business owners, some of whom are on Berry, and most of who are extremely involved in the neighborhood politics. It is in their best interest to see lesser competition, no doubt. But why would they not want the influx of hungry concert-goers in their streets? Isn't that in their best interest?
The answer is absolutely not. With the exception of Brooklyn Bowl and few other bars and restaurants on the Berry side of Bedford Ave, they HATE these events. The "hungry concert-goers" are also drunk, stoned, high, or a ribald combination of all three. They scream through the streets on their way back to the train, then cause havoc for most of these business owners. As for the establishments on the other end of Bedford, these villainous throngs never reach their streets, except for the residents and die-hard boozers. No fun, trust me. As a decade bartender in the Burg, I neither applaud nor condemn this vote. I work Sunday nights, and they are most quiet after these events, so I would be a hypocrite if I sided with CB1. I benefit from the event shutdown(hopefully). However, I do side with the residents of Berry-side Williamsburg, who have a legitimate gripe. As these events are shit-shows, full of screaming teens and adults, mostly over-served and heat-stroke-addled, they have a right to their peaceful days and streets. Though Hipsterburg feels it has a right to go see shows and party in the streets...they don't. Williamsburg is a residential neighborhood, and that side of Bedford is full of families and life-long residents. The pool parties at the actual pool were fine because McCarren Park took the brunt of the noise and drunk people. The speakers were pointed at the park, not the houses across the street. Though a fan of outdoor revelry in summertime, I wouldn't want bands playing directly outside my window. Neither would most people.
http://gothamist.com/2011/04/13/concerts_now_banned_on_williamsburg.php
I was not surprised to hear this news at all, though I have been reading the Facebook outrage throughout the day. I think the most important tidbit of information that I can pass along to those furious minions is this: CB1 is comprised primarily of local bar/restaurant and business owners, some of whom are on Berry, and most of who are extremely involved in the neighborhood politics. It is in their best interest to see lesser competition, no doubt. But why would they not want the influx of hungry concert-goers in their streets? Isn't that in their best interest?
The answer is absolutely not. With the exception of Brooklyn Bowl and few other bars and restaurants on the Berry side of Bedford Ave, they HATE these events. The "hungry concert-goers" are also drunk, stoned, high, or a ribald combination of all three. They scream through the streets on their way back to the train, then cause havoc for most of these business owners. As for the establishments on the other end of Bedford, these villainous throngs never reach their streets, except for the residents and die-hard boozers. No fun, trust me. As a decade bartender in the Burg, I neither applaud nor condemn this vote. I work Sunday nights, and they are most quiet after these events, so I would be a hypocrite if I sided with CB1. I benefit from the event shutdown(hopefully). However, I do side with the residents of Berry-side Williamsburg, who have a legitimate gripe. As these events are shit-shows, full of screaming teens and adults, mostly over-served and heat-stroke-addled, they have a right to their peaceful days and streets. Though Hipsterburg feels it has a right to go see shows and party in the streets...they don't. Williamsburg is a residential neighborhood, and that side of Bedford is full of families and life-long residents. The pool parties at the actual pool were fine because McCarren Park took the brunt of the noise and drunk people. The speakers were pointed at the park, not the houses across the street. Though a fan of outdoor revelry in summertime, I wouldn't want bands playing directly outside my window. Neither would most people.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
A New Post! About...the Re-Animator series.
Ok, so the first thing you should know about the Re-Animator series is that it's based(loosely) on an H.P. Lovecraft ditty. If you know anything about Mr. Lovecraft, or should know anything, it's that a good film has NEVER been made from any of his works. Ever. Each film centers around the search for eternal life, as Dr. Herbert West and a sidekick doctor discover how to reanimate dead things. This never goes well for them, and bad shit always happens. Does he stop? Of course not! Somehow, West also seems to survive his own death scenes and returns for another sequel.
So though I love Re-Animator, the first of the films, for its wonderfully cheesy effects, bordering on laughable, these films are really not that good. Also, they're what some have best described as...well, gross. Bride of Re-Animator goes above and beyond the initial cheesiness of the first film, which features a severed head with bat wings, and more dead shit. The third film, Beyond Re-Animator, centers on a prison, where West, alive again but not reanimated, is incarcerated. Of course, bad shit happens again, as he turns the prison upside-down. The third installment has none of the charm of the first film, and even less than the second. In fact, if you could measure charm, it would fall somehow below zero.
So in case you're in the mood for some hilariously goofy, bad cinema, I wholeheartedly suggest the first two Re-Animator films. Leave the last one alone.
So though I love Re-Animator, the first of the films, for its wonderfully cheesy effects, bordering on laughable, these films are really not that good. Also, they're what some have best described as...well, gross. Bride of Re-Animator goes above and beyond the initial cheesiness of the first film, which features a severed head with bat wings, and more dead shit. The third film, Beyond Re-Animator, centers on a prison, where West, alive again but not reanimated, is incarcerated. Of course, bad shit happens again, as he turns the prison upside-down. The third installment has none of the charm of the first film, and even less than the second. In fact, if you could measure charm, it would fall somehow below zero.
So in case you're in the mood for some hilariously goofy, bad cinema, I wholeheartedly suggest the first two Re-Animator films. Leave the last one alone.
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