OK. I think now we're in the mood. I don't know what happened to Nic Cage Coppola (if you didn't know this by now, there's some nepotism for you). I loved Adaptation. Really, I did, and he was truly fantastic. And yet, somewhere after the film's release, Cage actually lost his fucking mind. There are now two Nicholas Cages. The first Cage is a brooding, intense, yet thought-provoking actor who helps us respect our inner loser. Somehow, this Cage has decided to quit the acting biz.
And then there's the other Cage, who, in the past years, has given us The Wicker Man ("Not the bees!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!), Stolen, Bad Lieutenant II(yep, that story needed a sequel) and...
Ghost Rider:Spirit of Vengeance and Season of the Witch!!! These films made me yearn for a Valley Girl sequel.
You have to hand it to the guy. No one has truly dedicated himself to a comic character that no one really gave a shit about like Cage does the poor Ghost Rider...at least not since the Affleck Daredevil snoozer.
Unlike Daredevil, where Affleck, and just about anyone with working eyes (pun intended- Daredevil's blind) could see what a piece of shit that film was, Cage re-booted Ghost Rider. The result is a ridiculous, buffoonish master-dump. The only thing Cage appears to enjoy more than Ghost Rider is his own scream. And he LOVES to scream, so much so that the director cuts into the flow of his "film" to present back story, complete with maniacal Cage screams. To his credit, these are the only redeeming portions of the movie. Nothing fills me with joy more than Nic Cage writhing in pain.
Here's the brief, yet concise, synopsis: Johnny Blaze sold his soul to the devil, now collects other souls for him. But he goes rogue! He is partly filled with the corrupted soul of a fallen angel, and must get it out( or convert it to a good fallen angel?), all the while saving the next Antichrist from merging with his devilish master. And get this: they're somehow in Romania. How does a guy who turns every vehicle he enters into a fiery hellish lump of mangled aggressive BULLSHIT survive a 10 hour flight to fucking Romania?!? "Attention, this is your captain. We are experiencing some turbulence due to our airplane suddenly morphing into a lava-spewing servant from Hell...please note the fasten seatbelt light is on, and remain out of the aisle...can the man with the flaming skull please extinguish himself?"
Somehow Idris Elba tripped into this movie, and I wept for him. My wife was very upset...
But not as upset as the day I made her watch Season of the Witch! This putrid abomination has everything, from Brooklyn accents in the middle ages, to extremely obvious plot points, to maddeningly poor acting. Did I mention his ridiculous hair piece, or easily slash-able chain mail?!? Or that the main twist of the plot isn't whether a woman is a witch or not, or the insinuations that she was raped by the only surviving priest, or why no one on the quest catches the plague (which they might as well rub on their balls, they're so up in plague). No, it's what kind of evil she is. Oh, the suspense!!!
No suspense here. There is nothing sorrier than watching a once-promising actor turn evil, which is the only other excuse I can offer him besides bankruptcy for making such garbage. He even made a David Caruso film watchable! Yes, THAT David Caruso! I can't wait to see what else is next for my boy Cage. OK, maybe I can.