The Apocalypse Is Here. No, Not Talking About Politics.

Who saw Ghost Rider? Not a lot of people, and the same amount of viewers, give or take a few, thought it ranked up there with Daredevil and the Nick Hammond Spider-Man movies as a piece of shit. So this was a tad bit unsettling.
http://www.showbizspy.com/article/223817/nicolas-cage-gushes-about-ghost-rider.html

Really?!? There was some sort of outcry for THIS? Please tell me Eva Mendes was smart enough to avoid this after such gems as The Other Guys and The Spirit(worst film ever- I'll get to that another time). Please, no. I guess it's too late. And I'll watch it, if for no other reason than to give you an educated warning. You're welcome in advance.And just so you enjoy a few seconds of Nikki Cage inanity...

The Nightmare On Elm Street Remake

I have a pet peeve. Uninspired, poorly conceived, over-budgeted remakes of films, which in many cases were genuinely entertaining reels of pure charm that didn't require retooling. The Wicker Man immediately comes to mind (though watching Nickie Cage punch a woman and stealing her bike while wearing a bear suit holds a small space in my heart). I watched the new Nightmare the other day, and it's taken time to make any impression in me at all. Those of you who know me also understand that leaving me befuddled is quite difficult, so suffice it to say, Congrats on confusing me! Now level-headed, I can safely say that this film shouldn't have been made. It stars Jackie Earle Haley as the new Freddy, and some teens. This film bored the shit out of me, not because of a lack of gore, but a lack of ANYTHING. It's a car slowly rolling down a slightly inclined empty street. When and if it finally picks up steam, who gives a fuck. Haley does his best Rorschack again, with a preposterous mask. Note to Hollywood: learn from the Chucky films. If you want people to laugh at your villain, make him noticeably shorter than his victims. It's hilarious. Haley looks about three feet tall. Watch Elm St #3 instead, there's lots to like there...like this!

Even Homeless Guys Would Get Sick Of This.

http://www.nytimes.com/pages/garden/index.html
Could you imagined if these lines the streets? I got sick with agita just looking at these shitbombs. Apparently Mr. Diedricksen hasn't heard of this little this called FUCKING CLAUSTROPHOBIA! If he were trying to be cute, this would be an entirely different matter. He's not. He uses these mini-monstrosities, and I'm sure as shit that he'll look to sell the rights to them. These are furnished coffins! For $1600 more, I get:
1) a toilet  2) a shower  3) a fucking bedroom  4) an office  5) a full living room  6) room for my fucking wife! 7) most importantly, the opportunity to not have a weirdo pick up my house while I'm sleeping and toss me into the East River. Or to beat off outside my curtainless window while I sleep. I pay someone to do that now.
As my teachers would say to me as a youngster, "For someone so smart, Diedricksen, you can be SOOOOOO fucking stupid". If you need to get away from your wife and kids this bad, GET A DIVORCE. I love the 4x4 trap he built for his little brat that has a cute dinosaur face on it. Way to dress up the kiddie prison, my man! Someone should lock him in one of these for 2 weeks. I'm gonna go take $200 and buy an XBox.

My Wife Loves Mal. A LOT.

And she would love it if Firefly, the doomed sci-fi wonder-series from Joss Whedon (I always get yelled at for saying Josh. Sorry.) were brought back for another season, or a movie, or a mini-series...or just showed up at the house! If you have never seen Firefly, or know little about it, it's a sci-fi western! Yee-haw! It was doomed by Fox(figures) immediately by being relegated to Friday nights, also known as the "death slot", where shows go to die. Here's a clip!

So now, Nathan Fillion has sent dorkdom ablaze with geek lust by suggesting that he would buy the series if he could and revive the franchise. Here's the resulting story!
http://blogs.forbes.com/insertcoin/2011/02/23/how-much-would-you-pay-for-another-season-of-firefly/

It's a great show. You should watch it. It's only 11 episodes. Do it.

For My Friends Who Said That Citizens United Ruling Hadn't Had Any Effect Yet.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/02/22/us/22koch.html?smid=fb-nytimes&WT.mc_id=US-SM-E-FB-SM-LIN-KBM-022211-NYT-NA&WT.mc_ev=click

It has had a huge effect. These guys bought Scott Walker's governorship. Now they are quite openly and directly attacking the working classes, a great deal of whom voted for Walker like blind children. The idea that Walker, as reported on Fox "News", is only carrying out his announced agenda, is ludicrous. Using a sweeping generalization like "balancing the budget" doesn't allow a public official the right to use said language as an umbrella under which the official (and his financiers) can group all sinister schemes. I had better be careful with my language; an assault on free speech cannot be far behind...not to be a Chicken Little, but the sky IS falling, and we are all screwed.

Dogs That Look Like Sad Ratty Mops Can Trigger Childhood Memories!

Sometimes, you forget the events which molded you into the person whom, for better or for worse(shut up, heathen naysayers!), you have become. I, as a young lad, developed a fondness for a heroic pseudo-reptilian, radioactive hero named Godzilla. Maybe you've heard of him.
As an adult, I had all but forgotten the tumult of fire-breathing goofiness with which I would layer my Saturdays as a geek in Queens with no friends and a twin brother who I abhorred. The last installment of Godzilla films which I have treated myself to were the lampooned version of Godzilla vs. Megalon of MST3K, and the original Gojira (Godzilla was a statement on the atrocities perpetrated by the US Government on an already-decimated Japan, and the anger of a people against their rogue dictator, HiroHito).
Today as I walked up and down the hurricane streets of Grammercy trying to keep my dog's pee from splashing my face in the gusts of winter, I chanced upon the saddest Corgi I had ever seen. It was old, but also grey, sad and wildly untrimmed. As a green river flowed through and under its raggedy coat, it resembled an old, used dust mop with a dog's head. In, fact, it looked like...The SMOG MONSTER!!!

If you have never had the chance to see Godzilla vs. The Smog Monster, I strongly urge you to do so. Not only is it a wacky environmental film which will make your green thumb throb, but it's a representation of young hip Japanese culture...covered in a tar-like substance, then turned into science lab skeletons. And Godzilla punches THROUGH the motherfucker!!!This film rocks. It's also known as Godzilla vs. Hedora. Enjoy the MST3K clip also.

Read Titivil and other fun blogs I like!

Titivil is a well-written blog by Awl.com writer Brent Cox. He's a smarmy cat and I appreciate his curmudgeon-y viewpoints. I love curmudgeon-i-ness?!?
www.titivil.com

MIBKzine.com features works by Brooklyn authors for the Brooklynites and the world community!
www.mibkzine.com

What other shameless self-promotion can I do...visit me at the Abbey bar? Nah...ah, yes! My wife is a writer for examiner.com as well! Read!
 http://www.examiner.com/love-and-marriage-in-new-york/jessica-oesterle?CID=examiner_alerts_index

Check my new list of blogs I subscribe to as a reference point for area writers/bloggers!

From the streets of Cairo to...WISCONSIN?!?

The protests of the Egyptian people led to the usurping of their wicked despot, Hosni Mubarak. So why wouldn't it work for the people of Bahrain? Yemen? Wisconsin?
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20110217/ap_on_re_us/us_wisconsin_budget_unions

Yep, the people of the land of cheddar and Titletown are so pissed, they've already Brett Farved Gov. Walker en masse, as 25,000 of them so far have shown up at the capital to get him to pay attention to their demands...and the balls they've got. Except, in America, no matter how big the protest (or balls) of your constituents, you still, as a representative of said people, get to do what YOU want. In the words of Yakov Smirnoff, "What a country!"
A special thanks to the 14 Democrats who showed that by fleeing the scene, you can actually have balls! Hooray, Democrats with balls!!!

Just The Beginning of Republicans Attacking Their Constituents' Rights In the Name of Democracy and Reduced Spending

You rule, people of Wisconsin, for coming out to defend yourselves. Yet, if this passes, you had better respond in the polls in 2012. Why? Because if you voted for these guys, you're responsible. Oops.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_wisconsin_budget_unions;_ylt=AlNoMV59Hrc8Q96z2TLySvK2GL8C;_ylu=X3oDMTNlY3NvNDF2BGFzc2V0A2FwLzIwMTEwMjE2L3VzX3dpc2NvbnNpbl9idWRnZXRfdW5pb25zBGNjb2RlA21wX2VjXzhfMTAEY3BvcwMxBHBvcwMxBHNlYwN5bl90b3Bfc3RvcmllcwRzbGsDdGhvdXNhbmRzcHJv

Normally I would think this was AWESOME.

http://technolog.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/02/11/6034591-detroit-robocop-statue-could-be-reality-thanks-to-internet
If Michigan were not in the midst of  unemployment hovering around 15%, as well as a self-proclaimed financial crisis, I would consider this a great success. If Milwaukee can have a statue of fucking Fonzie, why not Detroit with its legendary imaginary law enforcer? Or, maybe this $50,000 could have been donated to a neighborhood homeless shelter. Or a school. Well done. Maybe a giant statue of Ted Nugent would be better. The money would probably come from the NRA and the Michigan Militia instead. Stop encouraging poor people to do ridiculous things with their cash, like buy Shake Weights, Flowbees and George W. Bush commemorative Mission Accomplished! coins from the Franklin Mint.

Happy V-Day

http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/wed-february-14-2007/must-love-dogma?xrs=synd_facebook

Remember the war we're still in? Blame this guy.

Anyone who makes McNamara look less sinister deserves to be tarred and feathered. Period.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/02/13/opinion/13dowd.html?hp
And in case you forgot who McNamara was...

The one big difference? McNamara has an understanding of what he had done, and how many lives he was responsible for extinguishing. Rumsfeld will take any guilt to his grave.

Mubarak steps down...to where?

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/02/12/world/middleeast/12egypt.html?_r=1&hp

It is important to note that the mere act of "stepping down" so can be purely ceremonial. For those of you who still wonder why Vladimir Putin is still involved in Russian politics: Putin also "stepped down" and took on the role of Prime Minister, "offered" to him by the new President, Dmitry Medvedev. Appearances can be deceiving. Hosni Mubarak's successor is handpicked by Mubarak, not a member of the protesting opposition party. The military is assuming power through Mr. Suleiman, and history has shown that the military is rarely more democratic than a solitary dictator(e.g. Musharraf in Pakistan).The people of Egypt are hysterical, which is great. However, this has all the makings of pissing in the wind: a moment of relief followed by sheer, gross horror. What steps are in place to keep Mubarak from using Suleiman as a puppet, or of the military doing the same? There is only the Sauron's eye of the West, the U.S., to oversee change, as we are always full of fresh threats to "maintain" peace. This time, though, we are relatively indifferent, as the Egyptian people seem to be putting up enough pressure of their own. One can only wonder, to what gain?

So...I took a week off...

And in that time, the "new" Spidee musical has been reviewed!
http://theater.nytimes.com/2011/02/08/theater/reviews/spiderman-review.html?hp=&pagewanted=2

This is possibly the worst review I have ever read for a new musical. At least since Steel Pier.

Pundits Are Dumber Than Their Constituents. Here's Proof.

Bill O'Reilly has used the phenomena of tidal activity as "empirical" scientific evidence of the existence of God. When Mr. O'Reilly's theory is questioned, he lets off a major brain fart. An astronomy novice responds. Well put, young man.

The individuals who we look to for news, as well as the "experts" they employ, are not proficient in all fields of study, but more likely just moderately familiar with one (if we're lucky). Bill O'Reilly isn't a physicist or astronomer. He's a God-fearing dunce who used loud noises to overthrow logic. Even a novice astronomer can easily defeat O'Reilly's simple retort. In high school debating, we used to laugh at the "prove it wrong" crowd, explaining with no success that just saying, "Well then tell me why?" is not an effective defense against facts and logic.Unfortunately, there are plenty of viewers who take his word for it, and do not seek their own facts or logic. He is their erroneous encyclopedia and bible.
O'Reilly is wrong in one more statement he makes. Being an atheist does NOT take more faith than believing in a God, it takes more courage. Believing in a magic sky friend who sees all you do, and punishes you for being bad by sending you to Hell...but loves you, takes tons of faith; it also needs no logic to support.And Bill O'Reilly is ANYTHING but logical.

The Fountain

This is a call to all of you who have seen Darren Aronofsky's auspicious film, The Fountain, and didn't quite enjoy it, to give it another chance. The soundtrack, by Aronofsky's mainstay, Clint Mansell, is deeply moving and affecting, adding extra sentimentality to a striking, original story. The film moves between the reality of a doctor engaged in a struggle to save his dying wife(Rachel Weisz), a fantasy she has created which revolves around Mayan legend, and a future where an obsessed Dr. Creo (played brilliantly by Hugh Jackman) attempts to reanimate his wife, eons after her death. The film on the surface deals with the pain of loss, and the obsession we have with cheating death, as opposed to enjoying our short time alive.
Aronofsky had originally cast Brad Pitt in the lead in 2000, but Pitt dropped out to make the turdburger, Troy. Cate Blanchett was also cast, but while waiting for her to give birth, the film and its original $70 million budget were dropped. Aronofsky returned a few years later with a budget half its size. The stunning visual effects  were created using, literally, oil in water, and macro photography, and the film was made on the cheap. I implore you, whether you've seen it or not, to give this film a chance.