Farewell, Shithead...

I was in my dentist's chair this morning, reminiscing about my early days of yore, a chubby 80's prepubescent chubster who sat at home and watched movies all day. Not just any movies, mind you. Bad, no, really terribly bad films. I realized, as my heavy-handed pain wielder chopped through each tooth, that not much had changed.
I still love ice cream waaaaay too much.
I still love really terrible cinema.
I still HATE the fucking dentist.
So with the rest of the day before me, I thought, what film series most reminded me of my troubled youth? What films encapsulated the 80's film penchant for ignoring the laws of physics, time, space and common sense(see Hughes films), 80's "style" (you know if you were alive, you dressed that way, too), but also forgot that scripts sometimes needed to be cohesive, at times linear, or at least, simply make a modicum of sense.
These films? The Highlander series.
Imagine, you're Russell Mulcahy, the creator/director of Highlander. You've succeeded beyond your wildest dreams, envisioning and realizing a film about unexplainably immortal men(as they're always men...insert appropriate feminist rant here)who must battle to the death, beheading the loser, absorbing said loser's dragon-like energy, until one sword-wielding maniac remains, at which time he suddenly becomes god. Except he can't really tell you what that's like, either. A god with no cognitive thought or diction.
You cast a Frenchman to play a Scotsman, a Scotsman to play a Spaniard, and an American to play an evil punk Huguenot. And they battle in NYC, where, obviously, noone gives a shit who lives or dies. Talk Queen into doing your soundtrack and...somehow it becomes a massive success! Holy Shit!!!
So you think...how can I top this? Think, Russell...that's it! I didn't explain how they came to be...so I'll make them...ALIENS?!?
Good thinking, shithead. Make them aliens from a world. Who love swords. Was Errol Fucking Flynn from there, too? Jesus Christ on a cross! So you bring back the Frenchman, Chris Lambert, and the Scotsman, the eternally egotistical misogynist Sean "Every woman deserves a good slap in the face now and again" Connery and an even more ridiculous script, erase all charm from the original film, and voila! Here's a film turd for the ages!And...goodbye. Russell Mulcahy. Farewell, shithead(also a quote from the film).
A film that, mind you, I recommend thoroughly. Why? Because the spirit of 80's cinema, good or bad, spills from these crap heaps like lava through Pompeii. But watch them together, I implore you. Oh, and in case you were wondering, there were a few more Highlander films, each of which ignore the space alien angle. You should ignore them, too.