What comes out during the holidays...

During holidays seasons, sinister human/drinker subspecies make their ways to their neighborhood bars. Having consumed 17 shots of Goldschlager at their office parties, they are ready to spew forth flecks of ignorance and dance jigs of inanity...
The Weekend Warriors: These drinking folk normally spend two full days and nights pounding tequila, whiskey and white russians in that order with the fervor of a thirsty feral badger, from Friday happy hour to Sunday's last football games. During the holidays, these shitheads infect the bars you call home to copulate in your photo booth and vomit in your computer bag. Joy to the World!!!
The Ne'er Do Bads: These good honest people wait until the season of good timings to listen to the tiny demon inside them, waiting until large public gatherings to do their first (and last) buttery nipples, soon nose-diving into full night-makeout sessions with an octagenarian named Maude. They are the stuff of hilarious, water cooler gossip. Unless you're poor Maude, of course.
The Classic Douchebag Who Nobody Likes: He's the guy that walks up to the bar and drops a $20 tip, as if to say to the bartender, "This is my asshole fee. You're about to have a long night". Soon, Mr. Dickless is skipping names on the pool table, hitting on the bar owner's wife, and screaming that someone stole his ascot! It's not that this douchebag doesn't drink. It's that he drinks tawny port while cavorting with his douche-in-arms, chuckling about stocks and funny adultery stories. He's at your bar by unhappy accident.
The Always Do Bads: You know these guys because of that one time last year when they sucker-punched that hipster kid and ran. They are legends in their neighborhood, usually with nicknames like "Guitar ___" or "Loose Cannon". They are the tough talkers who disappear for months at at time, only to reappear when your bar is at its most motley. You can feel them enter, like Dracula when he passes a rose bush. And they never leave easily.

Beware, my dear well-schooled imbibers! These holiday bugaboos will disappear with the last and worst holiday, the drinkers' nightmare, New Year's! Hide if you can, but don't engage them. Just observe from a  safe distance.