Holiday Travel

Before three years ago, I had never travelled during the holidays. I had always stayed in New York in order to visit my mother, as well as pick up any work I could. Times have changed; I now share the holidays with my wife, flinging myself across this vast land to Michigan. I now get to experience the wonders of holiday travel that I had only heard of in legend.
Travel Bathrooms:  One similarity I've noticed between airport and rest stop mens' rooms that perplexes me: why are all the handicapped stalls so fucked up?!? I don't get it. Are these malformed individuals slobs, or is it the mass of upright vagabonds that forget that there is a hole exposing a basin of disposable water for their dumping convenience? Gross. It was like walking into a Hubbel museum. Seriously. And why the multiple defecation rooms? It's not The Price Is Right! (I'll take door #2! Damn it, a wok!) I had more trouble getting out of the tiled maze than droppin' a deuce.
Architecture: I was amazed, as we passed through Ohio searching for a rest stop, at the intricate details of the mini-mall we now call rest stops. There was a fucking GAME ROOM under a rotunda and a food court. Granted, I haven't played Hydro Thunder in a while, but I wasn't planning on staying. You see, we were going somewhere. No need for the 5 fast food joints and a gift shop. Really? A gift shop? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! I will get my mom a souvenir from scenic Akron if it kills me!!!
Travellers: Why, whether I've gone by air or land, am I exposed to the most inane dress code imaginable? Why dress your five-year-old like the groundskeeper from Caddyshack? Why wear fatigues and hunter orange? It's not even hunting season! What about the fleece jammie bottoms? You're still in wildly unsanitary public. Also, is it a requirement to wear the touristy Ohio sweatshirts as a team? It was like a hick Sparkle Motion! Even if you're from Ohio, guys? What happened to dressing either nice or comfy...or both? OMFG! Oh well, if you see something, say something!

Time to wrap shit for people. Tomorrow...Midwest shopping!!! Also, thanks for the 1000 hits in three weeks! I'm flattered. Spread the words...