The Worst Santa Films Ever.

Bah Humbug, bitches! These trying times have reminded me of one Santa film which righteously, outright sucks, and another whose existence confuses the hell out of me. I don't get confused that often.
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, lampooned by Mystery Science Theater 3000, tells the awful tale of Santa, as he confounds the Martian people! They plan to steal Santa so he can bring cheer to Martian children! Oh, but he's a clever minx, and he runs circles around these technologically advanced fuckers! Droppo, a Martian Jerry Lewis/Victor Borge lovechild (without the piano skills...or acting skills for that matter)  is given the task of comic foil; epic failure. Also, playing a really irritating ten-year-old girl is really irritating 80's D-list performer Pia Zadora in her first role. For added laughs, find and watch the MST3K version. It's one of their landmark episodes, containing the catchy tune, Let's All Have A Patrick Swayze Christmas.
Possibly one of the most confusing holiday films I have ever been blessed with perusing is Santa Claus: The Movie. Warning: most films which include The Movie as part of the title blow (eg. Tales From the Darkside: The Movie or Care Bears: The Movie. If you say Transformers: The Movie, we're no longer friends. Cause it rules.) Santa is played by Dave Huddleston, Mr. Lebowski to some, and isn't bad. John Lithgow is at his wonderfully campy villainous best. However, the issue with this film: Why does it even exist? Between a stunningly large budget for any 80's film, hypothermia death (not really for kids, but it's in there!) , explosive candy canes, overexpressive reindeer and a sober(?) Dudley Moore, this film is a complete shitshow from start to finish; a shitshow worth pounding a bottle of Four Loko and watching! One scene worth noting: a very adult Congressional Committee scene that harkens back to the 60's McCarthy AntiAmerican Committees, with the hilarious Mr. Lithgow, that makes this film slightly bearable, though confusing: this was for KIDS?!? Oh well. Have you NO sense of decency, Mr. Salkind? Have you no sense of DECENCY!